When the Governor
first signed my death warrant on November 30, 2015 scheduling my
execution for February 11, 2016, I had 73 days until they planned to
kill me. As I write this , I’m now down to 18 days. To keep us occupied ~
if we were to go nuts awaiting our execution then they couldn’t kill us
as the Supreme Court has said that violates the Eighth Amendment
prohibition to execute a prisoner that has become “mentally incompetent”
~ they have installed a 40 inch flat screen television on the wall in
front of cell one, which I watch regularly.
Funny thing though, as
the days passed I have noticed that there are previews for more shows
that I would really like to watch, but they won’t come on until after my
scheduled execution and I find myself saying that it sucks as now I’m
going to miss that show. For example, many years ago I faithfully
watched every episode of the science fiction series “X-Files,” but then
the series ended with a lot of unanswered questions.
Recently the Fox Network brought it back for a six show
mini series to answer some of those questions we all waited so long to
be resolved. And I was anxiously awaiting its return. However, it
doesn’t begin until Sunday January 24th and then run for the next five
consecutive weeks. But I only have less than 3 weeks to live so it
created a dilemma ~ do I watch what I can and hope that my execution is
put on hold until I’ve watched all 6 episodes, or do I just blow it off
for now as I wouldn’t want to go to my grave left hanging to see how it
all ends.
More and more I’m confronting these dilemmas ~ finding
myself making choices based on when my execution is scheduled. The other
day I noticed that my toothpaste was getting low and normally, I would
just buy another tube without a second thought. But instead I found
myself contemplating whether what I had left might be stretched to last
until February 11th as I didn’t want to waste the money buying a new
tube, then be put to death and leave it wasted.
These are just a few
of the examples of how even the smallest things that most wouldn’t give a
second thought to will creep into mind and then I will find myself
putting way too much thought into how that particular thing or event
impacts my scheduled date with death.
Maybe that’s part of this deliberate process ~ to compel
those awaiting their appointed date with death to be reminded that they
intend to kill you every moment of every day until they do. Perhaps that
“process” itself helps facilitate passivity in the condemned by
instilling a sense of becoming part of that countdown, so that when the
time does come, we will feel almost obligated to cooperate.
A few days ago the death watch supervisor came down and
laid a brand new suit on the desk out in front of my cell. He has been
assigned to this post for years and personally dealt with at least the
last 30 executions ~ probably many more. In this environment, that wall
of separation between prisoner and guard somewhat relaxes and there’s
significantly more personal interaction if for no other reason but
there’s no one else to talk to.
This supervisor (whom
I’m deliberately not naming) exhibits a level of professionalism you
very rarely see in the prison system. He deals with us in a fair and
respectful manner, and takes good care of us. When our family and
friends come for a visit, he will do what he can to make it easier on
them. Often even introducing himself to our visitor and giving them his
phone number in case they need to call if problems arise. When my
mentally challenged daughter came to visit, he escorted her to the
parking lot to make sure she got there alright. He is a model of
professionalism balanced with that measure empathy towards those he
interacts with that you just don’t expect from prison employees.
But when he brought that suit down, it made me realize just
how much this job has taken from him. Most of us give no thought to how
all this affects those who work here and interact with the condemned.
They will spend months down here on death watch with us, knowing just as
well as we do that with each day that passes we take one step closer to
that date of our appointed death. How could all this not affect them
too.
Yet he laid the bag containing the suit down on that desk
and as if it was nothing more than getting a cup of water. He pulled the
brand new suit from the bag and casually told me I needed to try it on
to make sure it fits. I watched as he first took the white shirt from
its plastic bag (George for men, size XL, short sleeves ~ long sleeves
would obstruct their ability to insert the needles into my arms ~ with a
neck of 18 inches). He unfolded the shirt, removing the store tags,
then shook it out and passed it through the cell bars so that I could
try it on.
As I obediently put
this shirt on, he focused his attention on removing the suit from its
protective bag. I noticed it was bought at the local JCPenney store. The
tag said it was Stafford brand, made in Mexico, with a suggested retail
price of $200. I commented about that ~ the prison would only allow a
“last meal” limited to $40 , but they didn’t mind spending that much for
a custom fitted suit to execute me in.
He passed the pants first and then the jacket through the
bars and I put each on. They fit well. I even commented about how good I
looked in the dark blue, almost black suit with the subtle charcoal
pinstripes. And then I removed it and handed it back and it was returned
to its protective bag and places in the closet where it would wait
until it was time for me to put it on again ~ only the next time I put
it on, they would kill me in it.
This whole process of trying on the suit they bought just
to execute me in seemed so mundane; so normal. As if we went through
this everyday. And I found myself wondering, how many times has he gone
through this routine before and at what point did he reach that point in
which having the condemned prisoner try on his execution suit become so
routine?
On the legal front,
the lawyers continue preparing and filing appeals based on the recent
U.S. Supreme Court decision in Hurst v Florida. When that case first
came out on February 12th I was somewhat skeptical, as I knew that it’s
hard to convince the courts to retroactively apply new case law to older
cases. (See, my essay “ Death by Default” posted January 28th at www.minutesbeforesix.com).
However, after reading what the lawyers have filed I must admit that
they make a very convincing argument as to why Hurst v Florida dictates
that my death sentences be vacated and my execution stopped. Many other
organizations are also submitting “Amicus” briefs in support, which is
almost unheard of. Bottom line, there’s a good chance we can win this,
but it will be close. The Florida Supreme Court will hold “oral
arguments” on my case on Tuesday, February 2, 2016 which can be watched
online at www.wfsu.org/gavel2gavel/
(Note: Indefinite stay of execution was granted on February 2, 2016)
1 comment:
So glad your execution has been stayed, hopefully forever!
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