Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Shoe-acid Thrower Takes Shot at Bush

It was the damnest thing that I ever did see. There I was, sitting on the edge of my bunk minding my own business, waiting for a football game to some on, when suddenly my TV flashed “Special Report” across the screen. That caught my attention as this had to be something big that they would dare interrupt a football game.

With increased curiosity I patiently waited. Then there it was – President Bush had apparently made a surprise visit to Iraq and after taking a stroll along the formation of American troops with Iraqi politicians at his side, soon to be dethroned GW Bush then retires to a small room to give a news conference. I’m sure that each member of the media allowed into that room was thoroughly searched for any form of weapons, not at all unlike what most go through at airports these days, thanks to the 9/11 terrorist attack and subsequent threats by shoe-bombers.

Realizing that I was in for yet another final gasp of President Bush’s grandstanding, I reached towards the TV to change the channel when suddenly a man’s figure leapt up right in front of the camera and to my (delighted!) surprise, he threw first one shoe and then another straight at the obviously surprised President Bush., who actually did a good job ducking each shoe as if this happened all the time and was just a part of the daily routine.

Now, I know that in the Arab cultures, throwing a shoe at someone is the ultimate symbol of disrespect. Already reports are coming in from around the Arab world calling for the Iraqi journalist to be called a “hero”. I’m sure that to many he already is - even if the guy is a lousy shot!

After I finally got through laughing about it as hard as I have in more years than I can remember, I got to thinking about what I had seen. The one thing that struck me first was just how well GW Bush ducked both shoes without even breaking a sweat – obviously the guy had a lot of experience ducking incoming shoes, which begs the question….just who is throwing shoes at GW that we don’t know about? Maybe Laura Bush??

If it is Laura Bush, then I wonder if she will accept requests?? Being that I’m on death row I’m only allowed to have one pair of shoes – and we are prohibited from having any type of hard shoes or boots that that might be used as a “weapon”. But I would be willing to mail my only pair of well-worn shoes to Laura Bush if she would agree to throw them at ole GW for me. I’ll even tell her to keep them if she promises to throw them at him repeatedly.

Then it wasn’t long before I got to talking to another guy here on my floor and we came up with a way to make a million dollars of this thing. See, I’m white and he is black. So I figure that we can get one of these “dunking tanks” that they have at county fairs all the time, where people pay money to throw a ball, trying to let a small target that triggers a release to dunk the clown into a water tank. But instead I figure I can get a GW Bush Halloween mask and we can take turns working the dunking tank – only instead of throwing balls we can charge extra so people can throw shoes. Why, I’ll bet people would line up around the block just for the chance to throw a shoe at GW Bush, or even Barack Obama for that matter. So we can make a million bucks and if these people are as bad at throwing shoes as that Iraqi journalist then there’s a real good chance we won’t even get wet!

Of course, since ole GW Bush will be looking for a new job next month, he may just steal my idea and do this himself. When it comes down to it, there’s not a lot of difference between a politician and a carnival sideshow and even someone as intellectually challenged as GW must realize that there is a lot of potential for some serious money by working a dunking tank at the local county fairs. Being that he’s the ex-president and all, I’m sure that there are plenty of people out there who would gladly pay a premium to throw a shoe or two to knock him into a tank of water. In fact, I’d gladly pay a few dollars more if instead of just water they fill the tank up with oil – and as he rises from being dunked into the tank of oil, for an extra dollar we can blow feathers on him!

You see, even after 25 years on death row, my imagination can reach beyond these walls that entomb me to inspire a nation into a new pastime…paying a few bucks to throw a shoe or two at a soon to be former president. So folks, just line on up and have your turn.

Please read my main website www.southerninjustice.com and my blog http://doinglifeondeathrow.blogspot.com/and if you would like to donate a pair of old shoes to the cause, please send to: Laura Bush, The White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC.

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