Sometimes God really pisses me off

I have once read somewhere, a while back, that the greatest proof that there is no God is the fact that this plague we call humanity continues to infest this otherwise perfect planet. When you think about it, that actually makes sense. Although I live in a cage and have been condemned to death and kept in solitary confinement now for over 30 years. (Please check out: www.southerninjustice.net ) I do regularly watch the TV news and read the newspaper and all I see is misery and suffering around me and pretty much everywhere out there too.

I have long subscribed to that philosophical cliché that if there wasn’t a God, men would have to create one. When it comes down to it, we need “God”, and just as much as at times its that need to believe in something greater than ourselves if there’s to be any hope of finding anything redeemable in ourselves, so too do we need to sometimes take a good look around us and really get pissed at God as where is He when we need him the most?

Maybe those out there in the real world don’t struggle with this sense of complete abandonment as much as those who share my world. But I doubt it, as it seems that all those that I care most about are also suffering and it just makes no sense as those out there who are nothing less than the manifestation of pure evil are rewarded with all the things we generally equate to as living the good life. So, if there is a loving and just God who is supposed to be the greatest power in the universe, then why does he just sits back and does nothing while the good suffer and evil is so often rewarded? It makes no sense!

I’m not exactly ignorant of the only too common theological explanations for why God doesn’t do anything, and I can hold my ground with the never ending debate on “free will” ((that because God endowed us with “free will” we are responsible for the way our lives turn out because of the choices we made) and how God “loves” us so much that he gave his own son Jesus as a sacrifice for our own sins…blah blah blah

But let’s be honest for a moment…just where is this “love” they only too often speak of? I certainly haven’t felt a lot of love and I don’t know many who can say they have, either. It seems to me the only ones who want to speak of God’s love are those whose lives are already “blessed” and they only too often speak with a forked tongue as while proclaiming themselves to be “Christians” they are the very same ones who so quickly want to throw stones while gnashing their teeth and screaming for the executioner to pull the switch – all in the name of God and that antiquated Biblical law of extracting an “eye for an eye”

If today’s so-called Christians truly are created in the image of God, then that’s hardly inspiring. And you can bet your bottom dollar that there are more than a few self-proclaimed Christians reading this while already wanting to smite me in the name of their God.

Which brings me to this whole concept of “forgiveness” which is one of the most basic tenets of the Christian faith and the New Testament is pretty clear on this point – unless we forgive others of their sins, we will not be forgiven our own sins. There’s nothing ambiguous about that, but as a whole, how many so-called Christians really have the capacity to truly forgive others, much less reach out to their “enemies”…very few, I’d say!

In fact when you really think about it, God is a pretty tricky sort of guy as before establishing this new covenant through the sacrifice of the promised messiah to atone for our sins, finding salvation was pretty easy – no matter what you might have done it came down to a question of how many animals you had to kill to be forgiven and once this dastardly deed was done you were free to go on and do what you pleased again.

Blood sacrifice was pretty easy unless you were the sheep being led to slaughter, as then it kind of sucked. But I’m thinking that God might just have tricked al of us as God, in his infinite wisdom, knew that it was contrary to inherent nature of all men to forgive. When it comes down to it, we are a vengeful species and there’s something within each of us that thrives off on this need for vengeance. So, although deceptively simple – simply forgive – God now demands of all those who call themselves Christians the one thing most Christians will never have the capacity to give…forgiveness, much less “unconditional love”.

Although all of us struggle to define our own sense of spirituality, especially in recent months I have struggled as while circumstances in my own life took a turn for the worst, and yet again, just when I needed God the most instead not only did I feel completely abandoned by God, but those who proclaim His name gathered to throw these stones and now I find myself again thinking about this whole God  thing and while and while I can not deny the existence of God, I must admit that sometimes God really pisses me off. And if God today can be defined by love and forgiveness then I get to wonder where God goes just when you need him the most.

Michael Lambrix #48205

Florida State Prison