I have once read somewhere, a while back, that the greatest proof that
there is no God is the fact that this plague we call humanity continues to
infest this otherwise perfect planet. When you think about it, that actually
makes sense. Although I live in a cage and have been condemned to death and
kept in solitary confinement now for over 30 years. (Please check out: www.southerninjustice.net
) I do regularly watch the TV news and read the newspaper and all I see is
misery and suffering around me and pretty much everywhere out there too.
I have long subscribed to that philosophical cliché that if there wasn’t
a God, men would have to create one. When it comes down to it, we need “God”,
and just as much as at times its that need to believe in something greater than
ourselves if there’s to be any hope of finding anything redeemable in
ourselves, so too do we need to sometimes take a good look around us and really
get pissed at God as where is He when we need him the most?
Maybe those out there in the real world don’t struggle with this sense
of complete abandonment as much as those who share my world. But I doubt it, as
it seems that all those that I care most about are also suffering and it just
makes no sense as those out there who are nothing less than the manifestation
of pure evil are rewarded with all the things we generally equate to as living
the good life. So, if there is a loving and just God who is supposed to be the
greatest power in the universe, then why does he just sits back and does nothing
while the good suffer and evil is so often rewarded? It makes no sense!
I’m not exactly ignorant of the only too common theological explanations
for why God doesn’t do anything, and I can hold my ground with the never ending
debate on “free will” ((that because God endowed us with “free will” we are
responsible for the way our lives turn out because of the choices we made) and
how God “loves” us so much that he gave his own son Jesus as a sacrifice for
our own sins…blah blah blah
But let’s be honest for a moment…just where is this “love” they only too
often speak of? I certainly haven’t felt a lot of love and I don’t know many who
can say they have, either. It seems to me the only ones who want to speak of
God’s love are those whose lives are already “blessed” and they only too often
speak with a forked tongue as while proclaiming themselves to be “Christians”
they are the very same ones who so quickly want to throw stones while gnashing
their teeth and screaming for the executioner to pull the switch – all in the
name of God and that antiquated Biblical law of extracting an “eye for an eye”
If today’s so-called Christians truly are created in the image of God,
then that’s hardly inspiring. And you can bet your bottom dollar that there are
more than a few self-proclaimed Christians reading this while already wanting
to smite me in the name of their God.
Which brings me to this whole concept of “forgiveness” which is one of
the most basic tenets of the Christian faith and the New Testament is pretty
clear on this point – unless we forgive others of their sins, we will not be
forgiven our own sins. There’s nothing ambiguous about that, but as a whole,
how many so-called Christians really have the capacity to truly forgive others,
much less reach out to their “enemies”…very few, I’d say!
In fact when you really think about it, God is a pretty tricky sort of
guy as before establishing this new covenant through the sacrifice of the
promised messiah to atone for our sins, finding salvation was pretty easy – no matter
what you might have done it came down to a question of how many animals you had
to kill to be forgiven and once this dastardly deed was done you were free to
go on and do what you pleased again.
Blood sacrifice was pretty easy unless you were the sheep being led to
slaughter, as then it kind of sucked. But I’m thinking that God might just have
tricked al of us as God, in his infinite wisdom, knew that it was
contrary to inherent nature of all men to forgive. When it comes down to it, we
are a vengeful species and there’s something within each of us that thrives off
on this need for vengeance. So, although deceptively simple – simply forgive –
God now demands of all those who call themselves Christians the one thing most
Christians will never have the capacity to give…forgiveness, much less “unconditional
love”.
Although all of us struggle to define our own sense of spirituality,
especially in recent months I have struggled as while circumstances in my own life
took a turn for the worst, and yet again, just when I needed God the most
instead not only did I feel completely abandoned by God, but those who proclaim
His name gathered to throw these stones and now I find myself again thinking
about this whole God thing and while and
while I can not deny the existence of God, I must admit that sometimes God
really pisses me off. And if God today can be defined by love and forgiveness
then I get to wonder where God goes just when you need him the most.
Michael Lambrix #48205
Florida State Prison
